The Future Of Our Nation

Accepting applications for a new occupant of the throne? That's how it is to be decided who is going to run Seahaven? People can just apply? What an odd way to pick a leader. This country is not some tavern looking for a barkeep. I shudder to think who'll take over.

A nobleman I've gotten to know in the past few weeks would make an excellent king, I think. Of course, he doesn't think he's powerful enough to make a bid, and he's also smart enough to know ruling a nation probably wouldn't be the most enjoyable way of spending the rest of his days.

Of course I could be wrong about him. I've heard some rather disconcerting things about a couple of the nobles in this city, actually. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. Is there anyone in whom this nation can believe? I'm starting to wonder about everyone inside these walls. Who's worthy of my trust?

Making Plans For a Tomorrow I Don't Know Will Come

It's tough to have dreams when you don't know if they can ever come true. It's not that I don't have faith in myself; I guess I'm mostly worried the plague will never be cured despite all the rumors I've heard of a cure. I hear people complaining that the cure is going to cost a fortune and let's face it, I don't have one to spend.

Even if I do get my hands on the cure, though, what if I get infected again by someone who is still infected? What if too much damage has already been done to me? I fear my memory problems could be permanent, and perhaps it's just because I'm constantly exhausted, but I don't feel as sharp as I remember. What about the hallucinations? Will they go away when the plague does? When I'm public I do my best to ignore them and not show how much they impact my mental state. I can't pretend forever, and I can't live like this much longer.

Still, if things work out and I get better, it's totally possible that in six months or a year perhaps I could be in a really good spot. Business opportunities seem to be presenting themselves, and I feel like a different person somehow. I'm not sure what it means, but maybe I can put all the bad stuff behind me and finally move on with my life.

I Don't Know Who I Am

A funny thing happened the other day. I woke up from a long sleep, and found myself in a world I don't recognize. Apparently all these things happened, I met these people who are supposed to be important to me, and I'm completely different than the man I remember myself to be.

Apparently I'm trying to be good, make a difference, be social, have friends, connect with people. That's not the boy I remember.

I'm also sick. Even though I woke up when nobody thought I would, according to a nurse in the hospital, that doesn't mean that I won't die of this illness like apparently so many others have. Plus, my sister is sick! Mair! How many times did she protect me as a child? I probably wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her, and it's likely my fault she's as ill as she is. Apparently she sat my bed almost constantly while I sleeping.

I don't know what I've become, or what I'm supposed to be, but I do need to help her if I can.

And what of the woman who was becoming like a sister to me? She still is, it seems, but I've made her mad I think and I don't know how. Oh, I can't think about this right now. The rum I consumed is clouding my mind, and putting my thoughts to paper isn't helping me at all. What a stupid idea this was. A journal?

Do I have any other kind of idea?